rant

i know you all receive junk mail. i got junk mail today from some credit card company that’s been harassing me since university, disguised in a brown envelope marked “IMPORTANT”. Here is the seal they apposed unto it:

fake UPC code

wow, doesn’t that fake UPC code make this otherwise plain brown envelope look far more appetizing? I’d like to personally thank “K. Policy” for approving this abomination. I wonder if that invoice number ever changes – in fact, I wonder if any of the gobbledygook printed here ever changes. oh wait, a little bird just told me – NOT A CHANCE

anyway, obviously this crass and pitiful attempt at impersonating registered mail is meant to interest me in the otherwise uninteresting contents. hmm, well, what else would I do with an unaddressed, featureless envelope but throw it away? ah, but wait. there’s that enticing grey and white sticker with a fake bar code and important-looking numbers on it. and even the envelope itself is screaming to me: LOOK at me! OPEN me! I’m

IMPORTANT

actually, I usually open this kind of mail, but only to see if they have any cool stickers I can use for other things. seriously. I’m not interested in credit cards. I just want the cool stickers. of course, I always seem to get ripped off. I must have gotten this very same sticker, with the very same number on it, maybe thirty or forty times so far. I’ve run out of uses for it.

personal authorisation #yadayada

so I ripped it off and yea, the number of the beast wast affixed unto my forehead, and the lost souls wailed in great lamentations.

u stink

end of rant.

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