snow and dreams

the first snow came today in Drummondville.

my car got its oil changed this morning and when I came back from work in the courtesy car, my little green echo was wreathed in white.

I felt a little disconnected from reality today, and I was feeling a bit lost and stuck in my work. maybe it’s because the weather was so dreary and grey. I mean, sure, snow is nice. But the best kind of snow happens when the sky is an irrepressible bright white, and it comes down in huge flocks of flakes that cover whole cities with thick, lasting blankets of innocent white. It doesn’t stick to mittens (much), but it sticks to itself well enough to make high-quality snowballs that shatter into a thousand fluffy fragments on impact. I’m digressing pretty heavily here. Maybe I’m preoccupied with something, or lots of things. I think so. I have a lot of things on my mind and I’m probably having trouble letting it all go and getting on with life.

You know, I’m coming to understand, slowly, that it’s okay to relax sometimes. Lots of you probably know I have a streak of perfectionism a mile wide, and that I often feel like I have to be doing something, otherwise I’m being lazy or useless. I often worry and waste time trying to find FRIGHTFULLY IMPORTANT things to do, you know, side projects, involvement in this and that, and superhuman feats of might and grandeur. As if I want to be all things to all people. But I’m not all things, I’m just me. I guess if being me isn’t good enough, then sure, let’s go try and be Superman. But you know what, being me isn’t all that bad. I have a lot of good things going for me, a lot of unique qualities, abilities, and special potential. Being me isn’t the perfect thing to be, but it’s still pretty freakin good.

Day by day, things are getting better.

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