more imperfections, more faults, it’s just making me sick, sick, sick, the feeling i get when i look at the faults of others just makes me sick. my own faults are enough. why do i need to see those of others? why not let them deal with their own stuff? leave me alone, negative voice. get out of my head and go get counselling somewhere.
this negative voice haunts me. it calls me names whenever I do something that isn’t quite right. nothing I ever do is good enough. negative voice, why don’t you ever say good things about me? there are a lot of good things about me to talk about. why must you always focus on my faults?
I’m not saying it’s a bad thing to be aware of one’s own faults – that’s the rice and légumes of day-to-day existence, to become aware of your own faults and to work to correct them with determination, patience, love, effort, forbearance and compassion.
but there is a line to be crossed between being aware of one’s faults and discouraging oneself with them! In no part of the Writings does anyone say “you should get so hung up on your faults and weaknesses that you become unable to believe in yourself”! On the contrary. Whenever you read what Shoghi Effendi or the Universal House of Justice wrote, or what ‘Abdu’l-Bahá, Bahá’u’lláh, or the Báb wrote, it’s always about arising to serve humanity, casting aside fear, leaving behind the attachments of this world, and doing the best you possibly can with what you have.
negative voice, I know that you can serve a useful purpose in my life, but you need to be tempered or else you’ll destroy me!
if you have a spare moment, utter a prayer for me and my negative voice. pray that we might end up a little more positive.
A while back, a good friend of mine told me I always seemed so positive, that I always seemed able to look on the bright side. I always try to project positivity in my life. But often I don’t feel positive. And I’m learning that that’s okay. There are good times and bad times in life, and it’s okay to shed a tear every now and then. And I certainly have shed tears in this past year. If no one else, God will forgive me. And he’s got a nice big shoulder to cry on.
Metaphysically speaking, of course…