Hi everybody. No work today, so I stayed home, slept in, and did some odd jobs around the house: took my bike in for the winter (with its chronic flat tire and all), made phone calls, and more.
So overall, things are good. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about my life, where I’ve come from, and what I want to do with it. With most of my friends, I’m always upbeat, positive, like nothing’s ever wrong… I never really took the time to express myself when things actually were going wrong. What a terrible injustice, bottling up pain and sadness like that. I deserve to express it. I don’t know where I got the idea that I didn’t.
So, to all my friends: hey guys, there’ve been a lot of times in the past where I’ve been feeling completely in the dumps and terrible, and I denied it. From now on I’ll make effort not to do that. So when you ask me how I’m feeling, and I’m feeling awful, you’ll know it!
Here’s another thing I’ve always bottled up: sexuality. I don’t know how many times I’ve been really attracted to someone and just refused to admit it or acknowledge it. Maybe because I thought there was something wrong with talking or thinking about sex. Nobody ever really talked about it in my family when I was growing up, and maybe that gave me the idea that it wasn’t okay to talk about it. Well now, guess what? Sexuality is a very relevant part of my life right now. I want to learn how to relate to members of the opposite sex, in a chaste and healthy way of course, but without bottling up the natural drive that’s inside me, the one that God gave me… there’s got to be a way to integrate the two in positive ways, and damned if I’m not going to find it! Call it preparation for marriage, if you will.
Not that I’m planning to get married any time soon. With a part-time job bagging coffee? Hah!
I wonder how a Bahá’í deals with meeting a really, really attractive person and still having to act in a chaste and detached manner. I think it deals in a big way with acceptance — accepting that the ensuing hormone rush is a natural part of being human, but that part of being human is having the choice to reflect divine attributes instead of acting just like an animal. That sounds right.
I hope to receive comments on this one 😉 peace out y0.