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Why am I alive? Why am I here? What am I supposed to be doing? Why do I do things? Why do I live my life? What’s the point of all of this? Am I just supposed to go around getting people to like me? Am I just living my life to be approved of, to get people to tell me that I’m okay? What kind of a life am I leading if I depend on the stamp of approval from other people like that? What if the right thing is something they don’t approve of? Do I live my life never taking the chance to do that right thing? Where is the fire that’s supposed to burn in my soul, the fire of the love of God? Why do I keep quenching it with these little worries and hesitations, these attachments to the material world?

That’s the problem, isn’t it? Attachment. All my life I’ve had these little attachments to the world of being. I want to be liked. I want to be “okay”. I want to fit in. I want people to like me. I want to be the center of attention, I want all that positive energy coming towards me. But all these things are just transient. They all die away eventually. It’s like money — when you die, you can’t take it with you. “All that is on earth will perish: But will abide (for ever) the Face of thy Lord, full of Majesty, Bounty and Honour.” (The Holy Qur’an, 55:26-27) What really matters is the condition of your soul — if your soul continues advancing towards God forever, and its progress depends on how many Attributes and Names of God you’ve been able to reflect, then how far do you think you’re going to be able to get if you forget to focus on living a spiritual life — that is, showing forth virtue, kindness, patience, love, generosity, selflessness, and so on? What am I doing to myself if I decide that living that kind of life just isn’t that important, and I’d rather just hang around people and get them to say they like me? WHAT THE HELL IS THAT. BEN TO TINGS.

Anyway. I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take it anymore.

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