doberman pizza. a baha'i (bahai, bahá'í) blog.

so I woke up in yet another stranger’s house this morning, in Montreal. actually what was once a little suburb of Montreal called Verdun. Carl, the son of the Bahá’ís I’m staying with in Victoriaville, has interviews here this morning, and since I was coming into town anyway, I drove him in early. but now I don’t have much to do except blog until 6 pm. ;) not a very well-planned day.

Montreal is a city with lots of character, a character that still seems a little foreign. row housing is something a little new to me. I grew up in the suburbs, where everybody has houses. everything here is apartments. just the whole feeling of the city seems out of my element. I don’t know if I can place it. maybe it’s just because I’m not used to REALLY being in the city, you know, as opposed to living out in the quiet part of town, and taking the bus half an hour to go to university.

I feel like I’m facing a bunch of burly guys who want to beat me up, and it’s for my own good. that’s how life is, isn’t it? you get beat up, but you learn from the pain and discomfort and you start to be able to deal with it better, and eventually overcome it. not that life is full of burly guys who want to beat you up. unless you owe money to the mafia.

hmm, I called Hoda today and we had a discussion about the Ruhi circle that I’m taking, and whether or not I’m losing something by not sticking with one group for the entirety of the study circle. I can understand the concern there. this isn’t just a lecture, where there’s information to be memorized. it’s meant to be a process by which you interact with a group and explore the Bahá’í Writings through consultation — shared learning, perhaps. so I guess the options are, go back to the old group I was in and stick with them through the whole book, or wait for an intensive course that’s coming up in the next month or so. I guess the bottom line is that I’d like to go through the material and have the full experience while trying to use as little gas as possible. there’s never a perfect situation, I guess. there are just situations that work. consultation! that’s how you find the truth. so let’s consult.

Beware my MAGNUM OPUS

so today me and Gaëtane went to drop off a press release about the formation of the Assembly, at La Nouvelle, the local paper. hopefully it’ll appear in next week’s issue! we’ll see.

more tests, more tests, more tests. and I gave myself the goal of filling out that infernal work application form, too. infernal! gadzooks!

I’m hungry. I’m also not feeling a whole lot better than my last entry, although at least somewhat better. trying to live without one’s ego getting in the way is a tall order for a creature born into an egotistical world. and yet we have to at least strive for that, otherwise… well how else are we going to change the world if we don’t start with ourselves?

a quiet day today, but I did go out and pick up photos of our newly-formed assembly. they were done pretty quick this time (next day… not 1-hour, but hey, quicker than last time).

I don’t know how often people talk about things like this, but I’m getting the feeling of being far from God. and it scares me.

Do you know what it means to be far from God? I look at it this way: I see God as, among other things, a source of absolute wisdom, mercy and power. God is the one who makes everything run right. It’s up to us to accept or refuse the guidance of the Manifestations of God, because we have been given the capacity to make that choice. Man plans, and God plans, but God is the best of planners. God is also the only one who can understand how the whole thing works. Man will always fall short, because his capacity to understand that which he is a part of is limited to his tiny view of the world. Consider a piston in an engine. It just goes up and down, that’s all it knows. It couldn’t understand — if it indeed could understand anything — that it’s in an engine which drives a car, the purpose of which is to drive a human from point A to point B so it can get its work done. It just lives its life, going up and down. Similarly we live our lives, with its ups and downs. The difference is that we make choices that we think will make our lives run right, because we have that gift of choice. But due to our limited understanding, we don’t really know what will make our lives run right, we just think we know what we need, at the moment. For example, we may think we need to kick someone’s ass, because we need that at the moment. Well, the reality is that that would probably be a stupid thing to do. That extends to planning for the future, too. Anyway, I digress. The point is that we make plans, because we think we know how to make things run right. But only God really knows how to run things right, because the rest of us are inside the machine, trapped by our limited understanding. I started to experience this wierd effect when I decided to start discovering hope, faith, and trust in God. Wierd, inexplicable things happen when you let go of your will and put it in the hands of a Higher Power like that. Things start to work, and you don’t know why. They just work, gloriously well, and things start to happen that make you do doubletakes.

When you’ve experienced this feeling, you start to realize being close to God is a good idea, because it means your life runs more smoothly. So when I talk about being far from God, I mean that I am in a position where I feel I have lost that trust in God, for whatever reason, and I would prefer to follow my own will. And I’m scared, because I know from years of messing up that my will isn’t much good. I feel wrapped up in myself, unable to reach out, held back by my vain belief that I have a plan that is better than God’s.

Please note, once again, that I am not talking about the guy with the long white beard, I am talking about an unknowable essence that words will forever fail to describe, due to the finite capacity of the human brain, but about whom we have been permitted to know through the agency of those Manifestations, the Universal Educators of humanity, such as Bahá’u'lláh, Jesus, Muhammad, Moses, Buddha, etc.

You know, all of a sudden, I’m not blowing my nose anymore, whereas I have been for the past two weeks almost. I wonder what’s going on here.

AUGH my neck hurts. And my shoulders. And my upper back. And my legs are stiff. And I have a headache. There, I’ve registered my complaints, now I can forget about them and get on with business.

Woohoo — we formed the Local Spiritual Assembly in Victoriaville today! In the AM I drove over to Sherbrooke and played djembe with one of the children there; that was great fun. The folks from Sherbrooke are so fun, especially the youth! I really enjoyed being there, and I’m glad I went. And I arrived back in Victoriaville with plenty of time to spare! So we got together, signed the required forms, and voilá, we formed an Assembly. Cool. Very cool and very spiritual. Afterwards more people came, from the surrounding region, and we ate, socialized, told stories, and had more fun. Cool.

Of course, now I’m tired as all get-out. Daniel needs sleep, badly!

yes, I’m still looking for work. there are a few more people I should get in touch with to confirm about job opportunities, but after that I think it’s back to gruntwork again. typing up my cv and passing it around and shaking hands while making eye contact. maybe I can sign up for that A+ certification I wanted to take. there are also some courses at the Cégep that I could take to get some honest-to-goodness training instead of limiting myself to hands-on learning, google searching and university textbooks. not that I don’t learn some great stuff doing that, but still, I need to get some specific skills. Like ASP, and ColdFusion. And I want to deepen my knowledge of Java. The problem is that I’m on a strict budget until I can get a job, so there’s not going to be much training if I want my savings to survive.

So, this weekend is the first day of Ridván! Bahá’ís all around the world will gather together to elect Spiritual Assemblies, the basic administrative unit of the community. Here in Victoriaville, we will have the glorious opportunity to form the first Spiritual Assembly ever in this town (not to mention within an hour’s drive from here, too). Anyone with extra prayers to spare, send them over to us! Here’s hoping everything goes smoothly.

Side note: I found Patak’s curry paste in the store! So tonight I was able to make myself a nice vegetable curry, and ate that with some rice and dhal (red lentils). Oh, I SHARE your passion, Patak’s, make no mistake. :9

<Megahal> Hello there. How are you?

<User> Not too bad. And you?

<Megahal> I’d prefer to keep those details private, thank you.

woohoo, I took photos today. kids are fun. volunteering is fun, too. In a way, I’m glad I don’t have a job yet — it means I have more time to do fun things like that just because I can and I want to. I think I’m going to make some posters to hang up around town to advertise my mad web design skillz, though. And of course, a corresponding website. gadzooks! forsooth! the dobermania produce section liveth again! don’t ask.

tonight I mosey over to montreal again and join a Ruhi circle! yay!

I’ve been asked to perform with my mad djembe stylingz in Sherbrooke for Ridván, too. Hmm. It’ll be cutting it quite close, especially since I would have to zip right back over to Victoriaville to help elect the Spiritual Assembly. Wow. craziness. I wonder if I can do it.

Do, or do not. There is no try.

Tonight I went to see Le battement d’ailes du papillon [français], that is, “the beating of the butterfly’s wings”. It’s a film starring Audrey Tautou [français], star of another film you may recognize, Le fabuleux destin d’Amélie Poulin [français]. Okay, I will say this once and we can get on with it: Audrey Tautou is really cute. I’m a fan.

So. The story was about how the things we do affect the affairs of the people around us in ways we can’t even imagine. For those who remember their chaos theory, the analogy is to the beating of a butterfly’s wings in the Atlantic having the power to cause a hurricane in the Pacific. As I read up on some of the stuff in that link I gave, I realize I really know very little about the theory itself, spawned from hardcore mathematics as it is, but as I understand it, the underlying idea is that there are certain systems (like the universe?) that are neither completely random nor completely determined, that are dynamic, never achieving an equilibrium state, and that achieve a strange self-organization. So ponder the universe for a second, or even just our planet. We live in a world that is constantly in motion, where all beings eat and are eaten, where things are constantly dying and being born. We all are part of a vast system, an ecology if you will, and we all affect each other. Sometimes we do things that appear random, but even these things are part of that system that encompasses everything. So whatever we do feeds back into that system and produces effects that may be small, but may be huge. Say you decide to throw a stone from your balcony. What if it hits the windshield of a taxi? And then the person who’s in that taxi breaks her nose and has to go to the hospital? And then, through a process of seemingly random events, ends up somewhere completely different from where she was supposed to be? There’s the story of ‘Abdu’l-Bahá when he was planning to come to North America. The Bahá’ís wanted to book him a trip on a luxury liner, you know, so he could travel with class, and arrive sooner. ‘Abdu’l-Bahá refused, though, and chose to wait longer for another trip, on a smaller, more modest ship. The luxury liner was the Titanic, and of course, during its journey, it sank. Though his choice may have seemed random, the effect was that his life was saved. We all know of examples of this kind in our lives. What if we had stepped on the brake a few seconds later? What if we hadn’t had our lifejacket on? We are all part of this system, and are at its mercy.

Is there any remover of difficulties save God? Say: Praised be God! He is God! All are His servants and all abide by His bidding. (The Báb)

Food for thought. Can we rise above that system which binds us? I think not. The best thing we can do is to learn to use the system to our advantage. Perhaps the defining quote of the film — which is posted on its website — gives us a hint on how to do this: “N’hésitez pas à faire un acte idiot, gratuit et dérisoire. Car cet acte gratuit, idiot et dérisoire peut bouleverser l’ordre du monde…” Loosely translated, don’t hesistate to do things that may seem stupid, because that stupid act could change the whole world. Sometimes we get really good ideas — like offering a coat to a wet passer-by, or intervening when we see injustice taking place — but we stop ourselves because that would look so stupid. Well, perhaps. But who cares? And who knows what that stupid act will really do? It’s worth it to feel awkward for one moment if it means you save someone’s life, if you make someone happy when they’re feeling down, or if you do a good turn to someone who later comes back to help you out when you’re in need.

Of course, it wasn’t just about good-natured acts, just acts in general… but that’s another story! coughcoughCentury of Lightcoughcough

good night, finally!

lettuce here isn’t that much more expensive than it is in Ottawa right now, according to Loeb Glebe anyway. yesterday I bought hydroponic leaf lettuce for 1.99, the same thing would have gone for 1.49 in Ottawa. okay, it’s way more expensive. but usually I would buy romaine lettuce, which is 1.69.

It seems that Victoriaville, on the whole, is less vegetarian-friendly than Ottawa. It is somewhat friendly, and I’m quite glad about that. La Manne [français] is a restaurant/natural food store, like a combination of The Green Door and Rainbow Foods. BTW, is there anyone reading this who doesn’t know that I’m vegetarian? Sorry. Now you know.

Anyway, not much happening this weekend, but on Monday I go take pictures at l’École du Manège, and in the evening I join a Ruhi Book 2 circle with Claire and company in Montreal. Woohoo! And yay sunshine! And yay disappearing sickness!

well, the sickness was better today. I (indeed!) made myself some lentil soup with carrots and celery, and that helped lots. Then I went for a long walk around town, all the way to the Cégep where I watched kids skateboarding, and then to the Super C to get groceries, and then to this little hair salon next to the Burger King where I got my hair cut real short (which it was about time for), and then back home, and all the while it was nice and hot and sunny outside. what little snow that’s left is perishing quickly! mua ha ha ha!

Today Maurice and Marcelle (the folks I’m staying with) went to go get their son from Montreal, and he’s going to be staying here for the weekend. I made nachos and vegetarian pseudo-meatballs for dinner, and we partook of them. Today was a nice and useful today, and tomorrow I may go and see a movie. Woohoo!

<Megahal> Time flies like a set of stained glass windows.

oh well. I had to get sick sometime. my nose and sinuses have been congested, I’ve been coughing, and I’ve been having hints of headaches and other miscellaneous aches. I’m pretty sure that’s the flu. darn it. I guess I’m going to have to sit around and drink lots of fluids and eat lots of soup. that’s not so bad, actually.

holy moly I created a budget and an expenditure chart for myself yesterday! now I feel really organized. today I’m going to draw up a list of interesting topics for firesides, devotional meetings and deepenings. and call to check and see whether I have a job yet.

LENTIL SOUP with carrots and celery

Tamara’s site isn’t getting enough hits. Go there and find out about what she does. Note to self: the word of the day is dyad.

So today I took some time to hang around with kids at l’École du Manège. I think it was actually more the daycare section of it. Constance, one of the Bahá’ís in Victoriaville, is spending some time as an “observer” there, as part of job training. Anyway, she invited me over to talk to the people there, because apparently they’re having a games day on Monday, and they want someone to be there to take pictures. So I followed them around a bit today, asked questions, interacted with the kids, and, since I had my camera with me, I took some photos as they picked up garbage in back of the school. Nice thing to do as an activity. Damn, the more I hang around with kids, the more I realize, I really love kids. They were so happy to see me, too. They kept telling me each other’s names and asking me to speak English to them. They were romping around and marvelling at everything that was new. I was almost sorry I had to leave, but, hey, gotta get on with my day.

Funny thing… when I was in my last year of high school I probably would have been too shy to do stuff like this. But over the past five years I’ve built up so many people skills, it’s like I’m in a different world. It’s a beautiful world, one awakened to so many more possibilities. I’ll leave the obvious “springtime of the spirit” metaphor up to the reader.

Oh yeah, and the title means that finally I can go outside and not have to worry about getting frostbite. Viva la sunshine!

hahahahaha hahaha hahah hahahaha hahaha haha haaahahaha haha hahaha hahahahahahahahah haaaha hahahaha hahahaha hahahahaha haha hahaha… heheh heh. I can’t believe I’m using AOL to connect to the Internet. :)

well, at any rate, it’s working and I don’t have to drive across town to use it. and it’s free! sweet. now I can check email with impunity.

Alive and well in Victoriaville again! Trying to get internet up at home, but it’s kinda pricey. We’ll see. I only have a few minutes to type this before the librarian realizes I’m over my time limit and they kick me out :) I am taking this time to pretty much organize myself so I can launch full-scale spiritual offensives on this unsuspecting little town! Hehehe. Actually, they wouldn’t be offensive. They’d be affirming and wonderful. I wouldn’t want to offend people.

Captain! There’s a virtue bomb coming straight for us!

Peace to you all.

Btw, there are more pictures up from the conference. Here’re a few choice ones of people I know (well, or vaguely):

• The Louis-Bourgeois Bahá’í Centre, Pierrefonds, QC — the site of the conference.
• Me with my new djembe (what’s a djembe?)
• Philippe Allard (L) with Mireille (R), one of the conference organizers
• 250+ youth filling the Auditorium at the Louis-Bourgeois Bahá’í Centre
• Marie-Jo belts out the theme song, accompanied by Payam on the djembe and ? as paper holder
• More theme song madness, this time with a bigger entourage (me on djembe)
• People kept spontaneously breaking out into singing and dancing
• (L to R) Mireille, Vahid, Geneviève, and Payam — probably singing the song about the cat
• Flaming Atomic Friends Dance Theater Troupe performs The Cloning Dance

I’ll post some of my own photos soon enough, too. Let’s hope I have enough time to put them up… and hope I have access to a scanner ;)

woop, back to victoriaville again tomorrow to continue looking for a job. thankfully the couple I was staying with earlier are welcoming me in until I can find a job :) hopefully I can find one soon.

you know, every now and then I start thinking, when most other people take their year of service, they go to some far-off place. Guyana, Haiti, South Africa, Barbados, Papua New Guinea, the Marshall Islands. The living conditions in some of those places are squalid compared to what we’re used to in North America. The tests are probably more than I’ve ever imagined. And yet here I am going on my year of service to… Victoriaville. Not the Third World. Nobody living in huts (except maybe homeless folks). Many of the amenities I’m used to (except they’re more expensive). On the surface, this seems like a cake-walk compared to what some of my friends have done or are going to do. But perhaps the tests are simply of a different nature.

Man, it must be hard to serve in a place like that. Not only do you have the physical tests, but you have the spiritual tests as well. You get it from all sides.

I guess the challenges in this year of service will be ones that challenge me to rely on God. I guess that’s what you have to learn every time you go out for service. That when you’re out in the middle of nowhere with no panic button and no parents around to cushion your falls, and you’re trying to do the impossible (or improbable) with little or no tools or time, you really can only rely on God. And I don’t mean the guy with the long white beard who sits on a cloud in the Sistine Chapel and throws lightning at people, either. I mean God. It’s hard to explain, so I won’t try.

Obviously there are more lessons, too. But perhaps we’ll leave them to be gradually discovered. :) Have a good week, all.

ahhh. it’s been pretty nice taking a rest back in Ottawa. sadly, all good things must come to an end. I’ll be going back to Victoriaville on the afternoon of the 8th. not that that’s not a good thing too, but… you know what I mean. figure of speech. I have to decide how much I’m going to take this time, and whether I’ll bring my computer and pay for my own ‘net service. It would probably we simpler to do that than to wait until later. hopefully I’ll have some work within the month, and I can try to look for a room/apartment to rent for a while. hopefully, hopefully, hopefully. still praying.

you know, suddenly I want to talk about a bunch of things. things I’m not sure people will relate to. and I find myself in the position of having to find ways to explain the things I want to say to people who may not have the same background that I do. I want to discuss the senselessness of the state of the world, but I want to discuss it as a necessary stage in the coming of age of humanity. I want to discuss the futility and emptiness of the dating game, but I want to discuss it in terms of discovering a new way of building solid relationships. I want to discuss the moral, ethical and spiritual degradation of the age we live in, but I want to discuss it so I can learn to renounce this degradation and learn to hold myself to a higher, more constructive standard of behaviour.

I want to find a way to extricate myself from the nets and ropes that bind me to the dust. anyone with me?

so here’s an update to my web site to satisfy my sister. ;)

my body temperature is currently normal.

i am right side up.

i am wearing my glasses.

i am sitting down, facing my computer screen.

HEE HAW

so yo. I’m back home in Ottawa, and already they’ve put up pictures from the Montreal conference! Yay! I’m going to get mine developed today — four rolls. woo! heheh. I’m still pretty pumped from the conference. It feels really good to be around so many old friends and to make so many new friends, and all the while to be together to study and deepen our understanding of the world.

I’m slowly getting my rest again, too. man. nobody ever gets any sleep at these conferences. some people stayed up even later than we did, too.

I’m listening to Jack Lenz-Doug Cameron-et al kids’ songs. It’s actually a tape I had when I was a kid, called We Are Bahá’ís, but it got busted a while back and wouldn’t play, so I bought myself a new copy. It makes me feel all nostalgic. :)